Understanding PDA and ODD in Your Relationships
If you often feel overwhelmed by rules and experience a pressing need to control your own environment, this may suggest Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). PDA is commonly linked to the autism spectrum and involves high anxiety around everyday demands. It is not simply a dislike of being told what to do. By contrast, if your behaviour tends to be driven by frustration, irritability, and frequent conflict with authority, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) may be a better fit.
Introduction
Many adults struggle with emotional regulation and expressing their needs, especially in structured environments such as work or family life. In some individuals, these difficulties may reflect deeper behavioural or neurodevelopmental patterns. Two that are frequently discussed are Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
Although these may appear similar on the surface—particularly when it comes to resistance to rules or expectations—they differ significantly in terms of underlying causes and emotional drivers. Understanding which may be more relevant to your experience can help promote clarity, self-compassion, and effective coping strategies.
Understanding PDA in Adults
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile of behaviour that is often associated with autism spectrum conditions, though it is also recognised that not everyone who identifies with PDA fits neatly within a traditional autism diagnosis. Some people feel that PDA more accurately reflects their lived experience, particularly in how they respond to expectations, pressure, and the need for autonomy.
PDA is not currently listed as a separate diagnostic category in major manuals, but it is increasingly acknowledged by clinicians and researchers as a valid way of understanding certain patterns of behaviour. The PDA Society has documented a detailed overview of the evolving research and history of this concept, which can be accessed here.
Common Features of PDA in Adults:
- An overwhelming need to avoid everyday demands, even those that are self-imposed
- A strong desire for autonomy, with difficulty tolerating control or restriction
- High levels of emotional sensitivity, which can lead to shutdowns or withdrawal
- Difficulty articulating feelings, sometimes resulting in misunderstandings or masking
- Social anxiety or discomfort in structured interpersonal settings
For many adults, these behaviours are not simply oppositional. Rather, they reflect an internal state of anxiety and a deep need to feel safe and in control. This profile can affect relationships, employment, and mental health if not recognised and supported appropriately.
The National Autistic Society also provides guidance and personal perspectives on PDA.
Understanding ODD in Adults
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a recognised mental health condition, typically diagnosed in childhood, though its traits can continue into adulthood. It is characterised by ongoing patterns of argumentative, defiant, or vindictive behaviour, particularly in response to authority figures or perceived control.
While not as frequently diagnosed in adults, the behavioural traits of ODD may persist and affect relationships, work, and overall wellbeing.
Common Features of ODD in Adults:
- Regular conflict with authority figures, such as employers, partners, or law enforcement
- Irritability and resentment, often expressed through sarcasm or passive-aggression
- A strong inclination to challenge rules, even when they are reasonable
- Low frustration tolerance and difficulty managing anger
- Blaming others for personal difficulties or misfortunes
In contrast to PDA, where demand avoidance is largely anxiety-driven, ODD is more often linked to anger, frustration, or a sense of injustice. Some adults with ODD may also struggle with unresolved trauma or have a history of inconsistent boundaries during upbringing.
How to Tell the Difference
Though PDA and ODD may look similar—especially in moments of refusal, avoidance, or confrontation—the emotional roots and day-to-day experiences are often quite distinct.
Adults with PDA tend to avoid demands due to underlying anxiety and an overwhelming need to maintain autonomy. Their resistance is often subtle, involving avoidance tactics, withdrawal, or masking. Many do not enjoy conflict, but rather feel paralysed or unsafe when faced with external expectations.
In contrast, adults with ODD are more likely to engage in open conflict, often driven by irritation or a strong sense of unfairness. The behaviour may involve arguing, sarcasm, or active defiance. Anger tends to be more readily expressed.
It is also possible for some individuals to relate to both profiles. For example, someone with PDA may become oppositional after prolonged stress or misunderstanding. In such cases, working with a specialist can help identify which emotional experiences are primary—anxiety or anger—and support a tailored approach to care.
Managing PDA and ODD as an Adult
Whether you identify more closely with PDA, ODD, or are simply exploring the reasons behind certain patterns in your life, there are supportive strategies that can help.
- Recognise your triggers – Pay attention to situations that spark resistance, anxiety, or irritability
- Practise self-compassion – Acknowledge your experiences without judgment. You are not being ‘difficult’
- Use assertive communication – Learning to express needs calmly and clearly can reduce friction
- Build emotional regulation tools – Mindfulness, breathwork, or structured routines can be grounding
- Seek professional guidance – A therapist with experience in neurodiversity or emotional dysregulation can help develop personalised strategies
These approaches can be adapted to suit your unique needs and lived experience. Whether anxiety, frustration, or both are at play, you are not alone in navigating them.
When to Seek Professional Help
If these patterns are affecting your relationships, employment, or emotional health, it may be time to seek professional support. A mental health assessment for adults can offer clarity, direction, and access to the right forms of care.
Clinics such as The ADHD & Autism Clinic provide thorough evaluations, helping adults better understand how traits like demand avoidance or emotional dysregulation may relate to broader neurodevelopmental or behavioural profiles.
A Note on PDA and Diagnosis
At The ADHD & Autism Clinic, we recognise that many adults find the concept of Pathological Demand Avoidance meaningful and relevant to their lived experience. However, it is important to understand that PDA is not currently recognised as a formal diagnosis in classification systems such as the DSM-5 or ICD-11.
For this reason, we cannot issue a standalone diagnosis of PDA. That said, our clinicians are familiar with the PDA profile and its features. Where appropriate, we may provide a formulation—a clinical summary which acknowledges how an individual’s presentation aligns with PDA traits. This can be a helpful way to validate experiences, guide support, and inform adjustments in personal and professional settings.
We aim to approach this work with sensitivity and care, always placing your lived experience at the centre of our recommendations.
Conclusion
While both PDA and ODD involve difficulties with demands or rules, they are fundamentally different in their emotional drivers. PDA is rooted in anxiety and a need for control, whereas ODD is more often linked to frustration and anger.
Understanding which profile better reflects your experience can open the door to increased self-understanding and healthier relationships. It is a step toward creating a life that feels safer, more manageable, and more authentically your own.
Are you uncertain whether your experiences relate more to PDA, ODD, or something else entirely?
You do not have to figure it out alone. The ADHD & Autism Clinic offers in-depth assessments and compassionate support for adults experiencing emotional regulation challenges and demand avoidance. Visit The ADHD & Autism Clinic today to begin your journey.